Does your to-do list look anything like the following?

• Feed the dog
• Do the dishes
• Water the plants
• Break up with my partner

Alright, I'll admit that's a little far-fetched; most people will not put something like that on a to-do list, but if your relationship has gone south, somebody's gotta make the move to put a stop to it. The fact is, lots of people end up staying in a relationship much longer than they should because, like the old song says, "breaking up is hard to do..."

And when a breakup happens, it can be anything from coming home to find all your clothes and furniture scattered all over the front lawn and the locks on the house changed, to just coming home to an empty house, to just not coming home at all.

So how do you go about ending the relationship so nobody gets hurt? Or at least so nobody gets hurt any more than they have to?

First of all, you need to be real clear on why you want to end it. (And the obvious answer may not be the real one here: do you really want to leave him just because he leaves the toilet seat up? Or is it how his leaving the toilet seat up makes you feel?)

Once you get clear on the why, the next step is to get it out in the open. Don't avoid the issue, or try to gloss it over; get it out there in the light of day where you can both take a look at it.

Schedule a mutually convenient time to talk it out. It's better to do this in person than over the phone, but if it's a long-distance relationship, you may have to do it over the phone. Whatever you do, don't do it by texting them (yeah, a buddy of mine had this happen).

Be compassionate. You were in love with this person at some point, and if you want to try to stay friends after the breakup, you need to end it in a loving and compassionate way.

Don't put them on the defensive. Don't put it all on them; make it clear that this is about you and how the relationship is not working for you. Talk about the good things, too; let them know that you've learned from them, and that you have memories you'll always cherish.

Don't take their reaction personally. Your partner is likely to be upset when you break it off, and they may say things in the heat of the moment that they don't really mean. Try to stay compassionate; imagine how you'd feel if the situation was the other way around.

Be open to talking about it more than once. Your soon-to-be ex may need some time to get their head around the idea, or they may want to talk it over some more; try to give them what they need if it doesn't compromise your position.

Try to end on a positive note. You're ready to move on with your life, and you don't need the baggage of a poisonous breakup to follow you around. If you're ending the relationship for the right reasons, and you've been totally honest with your partner about why you're ending it, it really will be for the best for both of you. They may not see it that way at the moment; give them space to get there on their own.

Should you ever consider not breaking up?

Maybe, but if you've gotten to the point of having this talk, don't settle for less than getting everything out in the open. Pretty much any relationship can be saved if both partners want to save it and are motivated to work at saving it.

In fact, if you've gone as far as actually having "the break up" talk, and you're both willing to work at saving the relationship, chances are good that you'll come out the other side a stronger couple.

But if you've reached this point, and you don't feel good about your chances of fixing it, it's better to make a clean break, as kindly as you can, and walk away. Sometimes it's just time to move on, and only you can tell what's right for you.