It's super-important to move past the pain and find a way to survive even when things seem darkest. As Winston Churchill once said:

"If you're going through hell, keep going."

Getting over the pain of a breakup can be difficult, especially if you feel you have no one to turn to, but people have been dealing with this kind of pain, all by themselves, for a very long time. And although it might seem impossible at first, you'll get over the pain, too.

But you have to deal with it the right way.

First of all, you have to want to get over it. Wallowing in the pain you're feeling is not going to help you get over it; you have to look ahead and actually want to get on with your life.

Spend time with your friends and family; let them help you get your mind off your heartbreak.

Don't focus on the pain; that will only prolong it. Focus on the things that are going right in your life right now (if you look for them, you'll find them. Make an effort to find at least one thing you can be grateful for every day).

And don't isolate yourself; spending time with your friends and family will be very helpful to you right now. Doing things you enjoy, with people that you enjoy being with, will help you get your mind off of the past, and your pain. And the more time you spend in the present (instead of the past), the more you'll see that life is worth living, and you'll just naturally want to get on with it.

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Dealing With A Break Up

Here are some tips that can help you survive the period immediately after the breakup:

First, don't try to "stuff" the pain; you can't hold it in forever, and the longer you try, the worse it's going to hurt. Breaking up is emotionally a lot like the death of a loved one; you should know that you're going to hurt, and that it's okay to break down a little and cry if you have to.

It may help to express the pain (or anger) in a physical way: go to the gym and pound a punching bag (or stay home and punch your pillow), go out in the woods and scream at the top of your lungs (or stay home and scream into your pillow), or take a long run, or a bike ride (but not on your pillow).

It may also help to express the pain verbally: write a long letter to your ex-partner, expressing your hurt, your pain, and your anger. Hold nothing back. Let it all out. Tell them exactly what you think of them and what they did to you.

Then tear the letter up, or better yet, burn it. (Don't bother sending the letter to them, because it's not about them; it's about you getting over them and dealing with the pain of the breakup.)

Then, once you've calmed down a bit, you'll be in a position to evaluate things and try to figure out where you and your partner actually stand in the relationship. Knowing where you stand will allow you to make the right decisions. If you decide that the relationship is truly over, you and your ex will need to come to terms with that.

One thing you'll need to do is to start disentangling your lives. If you live together, you'll need to divide your stuff, figure out who's going to move (and maybe that's both of you), and make new living arrangements. If you live separately, you'll need to collect the stuff you've left at each other's places.

This division of property, and the separation that goes along with it, helps to ensure that nothing is left as an emotional landmine that you'll trip over later on in an unguarded moment (i.e., when you see his toothbrush, or her pantyhose).

Once you've divided your property and moved to your separate spaces, you should go through some sort of finalizing ritual: this is a symbolic event that involves letting an image of your ex go, whether by destroying it, throwing it away, or some other act that communicates to your subconscious a sense of finality. You could burn one of their letters, tear up a picture, or delete their emails from your computer. Whatever gives you a sense of closure.

At this point, family, friends, and even your coworkers can provide an emotional support network for you; you should lean on them as much as you can (or as much as you have to). Even though you've done all that you can to soften the blow of the breakup, you'll still face some challenges, and having that emotional support will help you deal with surviving it and moving on.

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Surviving A Breakup