The last article was about getting your ex girlfriend back, so it's only fair to have one about getting your ex boyfriend back.

Are you in shock that he called it off? Is there an empty place in your heart — and in your life — where he used to be? If you want him back, you have to go about it the right way if you don't want to push him away for good.

First things first: don't chase him. This includes texting him, emailing him, or calling him. He'll see all of those things as chasing. And it especially includes just "showing up" wherever he happens to be; this is stalking, pure and simple, and it's going to turn him off at best, and put you at the wrong end of a restraining order at worst.

He has to want to come back to you; you can't force him into getting back together (and if you could, he'd only be looking to get out again as soon as he figured it out).

The thing is, you can't control him, so you have to work on what you can control: you. If you want to get him back, you need to be somebody he wants to be with. Chances are you have lots of negative feelings right now — including loss and hurt — and negative vibes are not attractive; you need to deal with these feelings and put them aside.

A great way to do this is to write a long letter to your ex boyfriend: tell him all the ways he hurt you, all of the ways he disappointed you, all of the things that drove you nuts about him that you wished you would have told him to his face.

Then burn the letter.

That's right; burn it. Take it out to the barbecue, or burn it in the kitchen sink (turn off the smoke alarm first). Whatever you do, don't send the letter to him. It's not about him; it's about you, expressing the negative emotions so you can start to let them go.

Then, refuse to listen to any negative talk about him, from any source. Don't let your girlfriends talk trash about him, don't let your family run him down; you know what his bad points are, and you want him back anyway. You want him back for his good points. Concentrate on what you want, not what you don't want.

Just as importantly, listening to the other people in your life knock him is only going to make you feel negatively towards him, and he'll pick up on that. Guaranteed.

And don't dwell on negative thoughts about the relationship you had with him in the past; remember what made it good, not what made it bad. Think about the good times you had.

If negative feelings and memories keep coming up, write another letter. And another, if you have to; negative memories like this are poison to your efforts to get back together. Let them go.

When you have the opportunity to talk with your ex, talk about the good times you had together and avoid fighting about the bad times. You want to remind him what was good about the relationship, not what was bad.

Along those same lines, play to your strengths; not your weaknesses. For instance, if he always praised you for being a good cook, and that's something you enjoy, consider taking a gourmet cooking class. Get even better at the things he thinks you're good at, and that will make you more attractive to him.

But it has to be something you genuinely enjoy, regardless of what he thinks; if you take that class just for him, and it doesn't work out between you, that'll cause resentment. Do it for you, and whatever the outcome of your relationship with him, you'll have made your own life better.

And don't neglect your weaknesses either; if your ex used to complain about a particular bad habit or annoying behavior of yours, and you honestly believe he was right, do something to change it for the better.

For example, if he complained that you were a slob, and you know deep down he was right, make an effort to pick up after yourself, or to tidy up one area of your house or apartment every day.

Finally, make sure he knows you're available — to him and to other guys. Don't throw it out as a challenge to him, ("Fine! If you don't want me, there's plenty of other guys out there who do!"), but if another guy asks you out — and you like him — go out with him.

You don't have to be head over heels with somebody just to go out to dinner. And believe me, if there's any chance for you and your ex to get back together, he'll notice that you've started dating again.

Once he starts seeing you as desirable again, he's going to want to get back together. And that's where you want to be.