It can be tough to figure out how to get your boyfriend back, because, as a rule, we're not taught how to do this stuff. We have to make it up as we go along, or hope that our friends can help us figure it out. The thing is, our friends don't know any better than we do, and they're making it up as they go along, too.

What you really need is a plan that's proven to work, and then you have to put that plan into action. To get you started:

The first thing you have to do is stay away from your ex.

Don't call him, don't e-mail him, don't go looking for him so you can talk to him face-to-face. You both need time and space to begin to look at the situation objectively. Take this time to concentrate on your own needs; this will be a very stressful time, and you have to take care of yourself first.

Then, make a serious effort to reconnect with family and friends.

One of the worst things you can do at a time like this is to isolate yourself; your family and friends can help you get through this period. It's important to have people around you so you're not sitting home alone, obsessing over the breakup, or obsessing over your ex boyfriend.

Ask your family and friends what they thought was wrong with your relationship.

Your boyfriend probably told you what he thought was wrong with the relationship, and I'm sure you have your own ideas on what went wrong and why, but sometimes it takes an outside observer to give you an objective appraisal of a situation. It doesn't mean that they're right, it doesn't mean that you're wrong; it just means that they can be more objective than you or him.

Now, spend some time considering what your family and friends have said.

Decide which parts of what they said can help you, and which parts you can safely ignore. You're going to agree with some of what's been said, and you're going to disagree with some of it. In the end, the choice is yours: you started out wanting to get your boyfriend back; is that still what you want? Maybe your friend's and family's input has given you reason to doubt that.

Whichever it is, get clear on what you want before you make your next move.

If you've decided that you still want to get your boyfriend back, then your next step should be to put together a plan of action and follow it, step by step. If you're not sure how to make a plan to get him back, you might want to check out "The Magic of Making Up System"; it's worked for lots of other people, maybe it will work for you, too.